Wednesday, November 07, 2012

My Right to Complain

I just had a weird and unpleasant experience.  I'm going to tell you all about it because I'm bummed about the status-quo results of the election last night, and I feel like whining.  But not about politics.  Because really, what's the point?

So I'll complain about motherhood and friendship instead.

The boys and I were invited to a play date this morning, which is an event that in itself is kind of few and far between these days.  The girl who invited us is a really nice girl that I met at a park one day.  I have seen her only one other time beyond that, and other than being in contact via texting, I haven't spoken to her.  Needless to say, we don't know each other well, and so it was sort of a trial thing.  Can we be friends?  Will our children play nicely together?

Turns out that this girl is super nice, and her one little baby (who shares Gunner's name, making things confusing for the kids) is very chill.  I would like to become better friends with her.

She (I'll call her Friend #1) also invited another girl, in an effort to branch out and make more friends.  This other girl is new to the area, too, and doesn't know anyone.  She has four little kids, around the same age as my kids.

Here's where it turns weird.  I thought things were going well until this other girl showed up.  Her kids were veeeeeeeeeeery hesitant to play with mine, and they were very quick to assign blame to my kids.  Unfortunately, I'm sort of used to that, and I can get past that.  Okay, so we may not be best friends because our kids aren't very much alike.  It happens.

However, I was really put off by this particular mother.  Like her kids to mine, she seemed veeeeeeeeery hesitant to talk to me.  I tried making conversation with her, and she answered my questions, but not very willingly.  She talked to Friend #1, but not to me.  She never engaged me in conversation.  She never asked me a question.  She would hardly look at me.

Maybe she's just super shy.  It was still weird.

So, fortunately, Gunner and the kids eventually started playing together, and he started having quite a good time (running around and yelling in a way that Friend #1 is NOT used to with her one little baby boy).  But unfortunately, when it came time to clean up and go home, he didn't want to go.  He then threw a major tantrum, and I had to carry him out to the car kicking and screaming, all the while thinking about how embarrassed I was, and that we were most likely not going to be invited back.

That's all.  It was just a weird morning, full of stilted conversation, pretenses about how our children always behave and how our houses always look, and realizations that we won't or can't be good friends with every person who comes along.  I'm okay with that, but I do wish it were easier to make friends.  I wish mothering were easier, and I wish it didn't have such a big impact on how I make friends.  I also miss my old friends.  My people.  The ones who know me and my children, and they love me regardless of what kind of behavior is shown.

So, if I were to sit you down right now and whine at you, I'd say that I'm lonely for My People, and I'm frustrated about motherhood.

But for those of you who have always made these hard parts of my life easier (you know who you are), I'd like to say Thank You.


Mhana said...

I'm sorry. That is poopy. Imaginary Claire always likes playing with Gunner though.

kalie said...

Come over here. I will love Gunner no matter how he kicks and screams. It is what kids do.

And I'll bet the other girl was just shy. There isn't anything about you that would offend a complete stranger.

Lauren said...

I'm sorry that things aren't going well. I will keep a good thought that things will turn better soon. You are a wonderful mother!

JoLyn Stevens said...

I'm in the Young Women's presidency in my ward, and we talk a lot about self esteem, making friends, comparing ourselves to others... and I just want to tell them, "Guess what? This is not a teen problem! You will still have these issues when you're 35 like me! In fact, it gets worse!" But I don't tell them that! What I'm trying to say is, I know exactly what you're talking about! Know that you're not alone. You are one of my favorite friends ever... anyone would be lucky to have a friend like you!

Chris, Linzi. and Samantha said...

Amen sister. I love the term my people. I want my friends who I don't have to clean before they come over or apologize for feeding their kids Mac and cheese! Friend #2 has serious red flags. Anyone who can't become engaged in a conversation with you is not normal.