Open Book

I should have born my testimony today at church. I almost did, but chickened out before I stood up. I don't do it nearly often enough because it scares me. I am a back-row-sitter in classes. I don't raise my hand to make comments because it makes me nervous. Being nervous makes me blush. The most benign of comments will cause my face and neck to turn the brightest shades of red, which embarrasses me...and so I turn even redder...which embarrasses me more. So I rarely make comments in classes, and I even more rarely bare my testimony in testimony meeting.

I should have today, though. I had a great experience to share with my congregation. I was given the opportunity this week to explain the basic doctrine of our church with a member of another faith. She is a solid, faithful member of her congregation, and she asked me about the LDS church out of curiosity, nothing more. And even knowing that I wasn't under pressure to impress her by the possibility of her conversion to the church, it was an experience that almost knocked me flat. I found myself fumbling over my words, stumbling over explanations of church history, and stuttering over trying to find a concise way to explain the basic doctrine.

I came away from the experience wondering why it was so hard for me. I have been a faithful member all my life and have attended church on a weekly basis. I should know the answer to that question backward and forward. I have decided that it comes down to a lack of preparation. I have spent the last three years wrangling my children during sacrament meeting. I have also spent three years not attending Sunday School and Relief Society meetings because of my callings serving in the primary and nursery. Both of things are important, but they don't necessarily give me the opportunity to fully fill my spiritual glass during church, as it were.

I also did not serve a mission. I have never had the opportunity to teach the gospel, nor have I really been taught how to properly share the principles with others, despite the fact that we are all encouraged to be daily member missionaries. I realize that the spirit will guide us in situations like these if we are spiritually in tune, but I can't necessarily say that I'm so in tune these days. Perhaps I was guided in my answers. Perhaps I said just what she needed to hear. That is a nice thought.

But the point I want to make is that now I feel like I need to study up on how to answer that question so that I will be prepared the next time I have an opportunity to share. I should go read up on the history of the church, memorize some dates, re-memorize the Articles of Faith that I learned as a kid in primary (20 years ago!), and really have a good answer ready.

And then I will wait, perhaps ten years for another opportunity like this to come along, and by then I will have forgotten my perfect answer. I will probably no longer be prepared, and will fumble through it once again. Sigh.

The thought that ran over and over through my mind while I sat in sacrament meeting this morning, trying to talk myself into getting up at the pulpit, was that while I hope to be prepared to testify of the truthfulness of the Gospel the next time I have an opportunity, I really hope to be prepared to meet my Savior when the time comes. Since we don't know when either of those events will happen, it is up to us to be as prepared as possible at all times.

That's a high standard to uphold. And the more I think of it, the more I realize how short I'm falling of my goal. What with the demands of the children, marathon training(!!!), and Spiff's schedule, I find my spiritual preparation to be fairly low on my priority list of things to get done every day.

We are all busy, and my question to you, my faithful readers, is this: How do you do it? How do you fill your glass and prepare on a daily basis, despite your many life demands? Anyone have any awesome little tricks on how to fit it all in, in the midst of the craziness that is all of our lives?