Schooled

I keep wondering whether or not to keep this blog up and running.  I have been lacking motivation to sit down and write, even though I keep myself on the lookout for stories to relay.  I constantly compose in my head, and occasionally I will write notes to myself to help remind me what I have come up with.  But I rarely sit down and do it, and I wonder if I should just be done.

Then I have experiences like this one today, and I realize that I need this space.  I need to write for my own darn good, so that I can hopefully find some clarity by spewing forth words, out of my mind and onto the screen.  Hopefully I can make sense of things and approach a situation with more patience and inspiration than I would otherwise have, had those words remained jumbled inside my head.

So bear with me.  This post is long.  This post is for me.  For clarity.  Because I have been utterly schooled.

I have been teaching Gunner how to read.  I use a book that was recommended by several friends called "Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons", or something like that.  We have been doing it off and on for about six months, but recently more often.  He has picked up on the routine of it, and he's actually doing really well.  I have made a goal to give him a lesson five mornings a week, and we have actually been doing it.  Takes about 20 minutes or less.

Then, since he has been doing so well at his little reading lessons, I decided that it was time to start him on piano lessons.  This was a harder decision for me, and something I have been debating about  since the beginning of the school year.  I originally thought that since I wasn't putting him in preschool, and since he has been asking to learn how to play the piano, that I would start him with a method book series for really young kids.  It comes with little characters, which I knew he would love, and it progresses super super slowly.

But then I had second thoughts because he is only five.  After teaching beginning piano students for years, my experience is that young students (age 3-5) love piano lessons, but they don't learn it quickly enough to make it worth it.  Starting a typical child at the age of 7 or 8 is perfect.  They can already read, they have more strength and coordination, and they learn quickly.  In fact, a new motivated 7-yr-old student can catch up to another 7-year-old student who has been taking lessons for years, in a relatively short amount of time.

I also promised myself that I would never teach my own children how to play the piano.  I think paying a professional is a worthwhile investment.  I also think it is good for the child to have the experience of actually "going" to piano lessons, where they sit in someone else's studio and listen to someone else telling them what to do.

Because of all that, I didn't start him in the Fall.  He has continued to ask me for piano lessons.  Then this week, I ran across a set of lesson books, written specifically for 5 and 6-year-olds, that I knew he would just love!  I have never gotten the chance to use them because they came out about the same time that we moved for Spiff's medical school and I stopped teaching.  They're written by my favorite Piano Method authors (The Fabers of Piano Adventures), and I'm actually really excited about them.  I ordered them right away, got them in the mail yesterday, and we started this morning.  Gunner had his first little piano lesson, and it was great.  He listened, followed instructions, asked to do fun songs again, and is looking forward to practicing with me tomorrow. 

Okay, all of that to get to this whole "experience" from today.  A friend invited us over to play with them in the snow this morning.  As I was driving across town, I was thinking about the successful morning of lessons we had had earlier, with both reading and piano.  I thought about how proud I am of his progress and his excitement to learn.  I also thought something that I have doubted my whole life...the fact that I have things to offer my children.  I am a piano teacher.  I can teach my child how to learn this skill, at least for now.  We can start making music together in our home.  I also thought about how we have gotten Gunner registered for Kindergarten for this coming Fall, and that he seems to have come so far in his maturity and development in the last six months that I actually feel like he'll be ready to start school in eight months.

These thoughts rolled through my head, and I felt proud.  Proud of him, proud of me, proud of us for progressing and learning things together.  I felt proud of my momming skills.

So, we got to our friend's house, played in the snow a bit, then made our way inside.  The kids were playing with a set of toys, and I observed my two children both having a difficult time sharing with one another.  I heard a whole lot of not nice words: "Hey, I was using that!!!?"  "Heyyyy, Give that Back!!!"  "That's It!  I give up!"  Etc.

I reminded and reminded them to share and use nice words.  I offered help.  I invited them to sit by me and take small breaks, all without losing my cool.  None of my reminders helped, and they both simply exploded at each other.  I was forced to put them both on a time out.  I thought if I could just get them to take a breath and a small break, we would be able to work it out and get back to playing.

Neither of them would sit down on their time out spots.  Not one of them.  Hobbes just jumped up and ran back to the table of toys.  Gunner refused to sit down and proceeded to yell and yell at me.  It progressed to the point that I had to give up and cart them both off over my shoulder to the car and take them home, to where Hobbes is now playing happily by himself and Gunner is napping in his bed.

It was the first time I have dealt with bad public behavior from both of them at the same time.  It has happened before with Gunner (a long time ago) when I have had to drag him out of a friend's house kicking and screaming, and it wasn't fun then.  This was a double attack of really naughty.  I was so angry, and embarrassed, and sad, and at a complete loss for a good solution.  Obviously they both lose privileges today (no TV, no friends, no desserts, etc.).  But how come it happened in the first place?  How do I even talk to them about it and resolve things?  What are good consequences for that kind of behavior?  What consequences will teach them what they need to know for future experiences?

Sigh. 

Really, the lesson I learned here is that I should never ever ever get smug about my parenting skills.  My children will always be five steps ahead of me.  Sure, I have things to offer them, but it absolutely confirms to me that I have no idea what I'm doing.