Voice of Experience

My other sister came to visit me last week. For a whole week. It can hardly get any better than that, and I am very grateful to her and her family for their sacrifice in making that visit happen. It was, again, so nice to have my sister around for the companionship, the familiarity and comfort. Most of all, although it was not her intention to come and give us parenting advice, I appreciated her sharing her experience with us.

Gunner is at a difficult age for me. He is so interactive, cute and fun, and I love him, BUT he is whiny. And he throws tantrums. And he whines while he throws tantrums. And then he whines because he threw a tantrum. And then he throws another tantrum because he feels like he didn't whine loudly enough. So I feel like I am fighting him all day long. Things that used to thrill him now throw him into hysterics.

For example, here is an interaction we have several times a day. (I have included his actual actions and what I think he would be saying if he could talk.)

Me: Would you like a cracker?

Gunner: Throws his head back and wails...NOOOO! I Don't want a cracker! How could you think I might have ever wanted a cracker?! My Life Is Now OVER!!!

That's right. All the drama, over a cracker. Or a drink of water. Or a toy. You name it, and he overreacts about it. There is definitely a learning curve for both of us here. He is learning how to handle all of these new emotions, opinions, and preferences. He is learning how to push my buttons. I am learning how to deal with a person w/ opinions, and how to deal with a person who won't let me comfort him.

That's where my sister comes in. She has three daughters, age 10, 7 and 2. She has dealt with her fair share of fits and temper tantrums. Her philosophy about temper tantrums is this: If you're going to cry, you're going to cry in your room, or on the floor, or wherever, but basically you're going to figure it out. Her two-year-old goes to her room to cry, and if my sister checks on her and she's not "done", she'll say, "I'm Crahying. Geet Out!"

One day during my sister's visit, Gunner threw a tantrum, and we tested her philosophy. What happened was a lot like this kid from youtube. Although not quite as extreme, Gunner did follow us around the house for about five minutes, crying when we could see him, and calming himself down after we had left the room.

I am now working with Gunner on an attitude adjustment that consists of two things:

1) I'm trying to teach him to decline an offer by simply saying, "No Thank You". Any version of this will do, but I'm trying to avoid the hysterics over being offered a cracker. This already seems to be helping.

2) I'm also trying to teach him that he doesn't get what he wants by throwing a tantrum. I will understand his need to cry about it, and I will give him the space to do so. When he has calmed himself down, then we can "talk".

I know that he is very young, and that these may sound a bit harsh, but if there's one thing I learned from my sister's visit, it's that my little son knows exactly what he's doing, even at this young age. And if he won't let me comfort him anymore, then he has to learn another how to comfort himself.

She also taught me that I take myself and my son too seriously. It's difficult for me to be goofy and have fun with him when I'm tired, but it's very important to mix the fun with the rest, and I had forgotten about that. I hope I don't forget it again.