Hobbes is a good baby. He's the kind of baby who makes you want to have more babies. Even in the middle of this adjustment period when I'm not sleeping more than four hours at a time, Hobbes is such a sweet, cuddly, content little guy that I find myself thinking I could have ten more just like him! (I exaggerate. There is no one on this green earth who should believe me when I say that I would like to have that many children.) But seriously, he sleeps well, he eats well, and now that he smiles at us, I find myself doing almost anything I can to get him to smile at me. It's so stinkin' cute and addictive, I just have to have more!
This adjustment to two kids is hard. On one hand, I think that the baby thing is way easier on me than it was the first time. Other than being terribly sleep-deprived, I don't find Hobbes to be that difficult to take care of. Two years ago, when it was baby Gunner, I swear he was so demanding that I couldn't find time to eat or dress myself.
On the other hand, there is toddler Gunner. This transition is hard. He LOVES his baby brother...terrifyingly so. He can't seem to leave the little guy alone. He is constantly and energetically giving him wet, sloppy kisses on his head, "helping the baby" by shoving a binkie in his mouth, giving him blankets and toys, or (my favorite) trying to pick him up and carry him. It seems that no amount of teaching, at this point, can get him to understand that some of these behaviors are actually dangerous and are better left to his parents. Gunner is also acting out for attention. Combine that with a raging case of terrible-two naughtiness and the fact that I have less patience than normal due to chronic sleep-deprivation, and we get the sad result that Gunner and I don't get along that well sometimes.
One time when Gunner was being particularly difficult, I mentioned to him that he was driving me crazy. Then later in the day, he did something that made me sigh in exasperation. He looked up at me and said, "You crazy, Mom?"
I just laughed and said, "Yes. Yes, I am."
It's sort of amazing how kids have the ability to see situations so clearly sometimes. He has given me a tool to check myself and turn the situation around when I get frustrated with him. When I feel sad about something, Gunner is the first person to look at me and ask, "You happy, Momma?" And when I lose my cool with him, he is the first person to forgive me. I am so lucky that this little person, this little child of God, continues to love me, even when I don't feel like I deserve it. It's also very humbling to realize that I mean so much to him that he continues to want and need me, even when we aren't getting along.
4 comments:
While reading this, I was nodding my head the entire time. You said it like it is. It IS so hard and wonderful and exhausting and perfect all at the same time. Just thinking about those first few months makes me tired for you. Take care!!!
I'm sad you and Gunner aren't getting along. :(
I totally hear you. Josh is going through a very naughty phase right now, which includes trying to kick down doors or punch holes in the wall. Gee, I can't wait for when he gets older and stronger. "Not getting along" is such a nice way to put how I feel about him most days right now. Argh. Everyone tells me that I'll miss this someday, but I sure don't think this will be one of those things. I'm very glad Hobbes is such an easy baby for you.
Isn't it crazy that we are told over and over that we need to teach our children, when in reality they are most often the ones doing the teaching. Two is such a fun and exhausting age all at the same time.
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